21 11 / 2011
running in circles
So, I had a really long awesome post all typed up about 20 minutes ago - and then my computer died and I lost all of it. I am not surprised, actually. I was writing about God. About to hit send - computer dies. I start the computer back up, and it saved everything up until I began to talk about God. Interesting? Maybe good isn’t the only force in the world. If it was - I guess the whole world would probably be pink frilly and sickening. Way too many cookies.
Anyway - here’s the long story made short because I am not in the mood to re-type everything I just did.
1) Yesterday was the half marathon and it was INCREDIBLE! Thank you so much to everyone involved, I love each and every one of you and appreciate you so much. I am so flattered that you came out to support me and my team! Fun fact - my oncologist from Moffitt was also on my team for the half marathon and ran it on a hurt foot in a better time than me. My brother in law, Alex, also beat me on a sprained ankle - by more than an hour. I’ve heard rumors that the race was actually around 13.5 miles, not 13.1 (from some credible sources) so you all are REALLY rock stars. I had so much fun running/walking (when we saw cameras we would start running so we looked hardcore for photos)…another great moment was when Wes and Jeff decided that we should hold up our own team pace keeper sign, but instead of “1:30” on it or “2:15” it would simply say “Tomorrow”.
2) Went to see the surgeon today. He was great. His assistant did a leg strength test on me to see if this mass in my hip has affected anything. After yesterday I couldn’t even lift my leg, let alone keep it up with weight on it. The surgeon and I went through options, and suggested I at least try out the “core needle biopsy” to see if it finds something first. It’s much less invasive (no cutting through muscle, dodging sciatic nerves, and 5 inch scar down my hip). I guess it’s worth a shot - even though I don’t know what I’ll do or who I’ll take down if I hear the word “inconclusive” again. I was also relieved to hear that if it doesn’t work, the mass is still big enough that a core needle biopsy wont damage it so that the surgical (excisional) biopsy is inconclusive as well. I am scheduled for the core needle biopsy on Monday (a week from today) and they will be doing a lumbar puncture at the same time to remove some cerebrospinal fluid to be sure an infection isn’t causing the “Lhermitte’s sign”. My oncologist is pushing for a quick turnaround so hopefully we will have an answer soon! Chris went with me and got tea and water for me (I now have the horrible cold that Cole has) and was an amazing help and keeps my brain organized. We all know how much I love rambling.
3) While looking at the slides and scans of my insides, I couldn’t help but think “how could anyone deny the existence of God”? Our bodies are so intricate and incredible, and we are only beginning to truly understand it’s complex and perfect processes (even doctors have admitted this to me). I think we are doing ourselves a disservice in believing came into being via a combustion or random chance. I’ve heard that the chances of the complex humans as we are now coming into existence without being created by someone is comparable to taking a watch apart piece by piece and putting it into a box, shaking it around, and opening it to find it perfectly placed back together and ticking. Just something to think about, right? With all of the intelligence we have now, why can’t we create a life out of absolutely nothing? We can’t even recreate breast milk. We need the trees God made for paper. Seriously? Have you ever taken a step back and looked at your life. A time span of maybe 80-100 years if we are lucky. Were we put here to go to our jobs, chat with some people, drink some caramel frappuccinos, and then die, hopefully leaving the world a better place for the next generation that will do the same thing and come to the same sad end? Or were we created to live here, be watched, tested, and look forward to something past this life? To reunite with everyone we love that hopefully knows the truth? I find it extremely sad and hard to believe that this is it. We live, we die, the end. How pointless! Look at the world and how it works in PERFECT harmony. Perfect processes are everywhere. That not only are we here - but so are many other things that are made to sustain our bodies. Air, water, food (in many varieties that have nutrients and vitamins that are vital to our well being). Those all randomly showed up as well? Combusted and formed from cells that happened to keep us alive? What about a male and a female that can recreate children, and a mother than can sustain that child on her own? The fact that once the child is born, the body recognizes this and starts to make the perfect food for it is amazing. If we evolved from something, obviously there was a baby or infant form that needed to be cared for by SOMETHING to survive, how would that pan out for existence? The whole world screams “God made me” not “hey I got here by accident when some cells that came out of nowhere combusted”. If you threw paint on a canvas randomly - what are the odds that it would come out as perfection? A masterpiece? If you think those odds are low - think about the world around you. We struggle even to recreate the real thing on paper on purpose. More to come on this when I feel riled up again. :)
Love you all, goodnight!
